Dementia & Dad – The setbacks continue

Having further setbacks with Dad now which I thought I would share with friends. I have been away for a week and the changes are quite noticeable. Dad still remembers my name and lights up when I visit him each day. However I wanted to give you all some insight as to the daily struggles we are having with his dementia which is something rarely talked about.

Tonight I went to see him with the aim of getting him ready for bed. When I arrived at the Memory Support Unit  ( aged care facility) I was greeted by a carer who said to me. “something really strange just happened”. She then explained that another male resident had come up to her all flustered, as there was a man in his bed. She then explained that Dad had parked himself in the wrong room, all curled up in the wrong bed and she had to redirect him back to his own room.

I caught up with Dad in his own room and sat with him in silence, albeit for a few scrambled words as we watched the news together. I then thought I would get him dressed for bed. This task is now a real chore and I am staggered at how something so simple to us can be so confusing for a person with dementia. Dad would undo his shirt buttons and when he gets to the bottom he would forget he is removing his shirt and do them all up again. This happened at least 3 times in 5 minutes. Having me help him, got him annoyed and I needed to back off and try again in 10 mins time where I succeeded.

I then tried to get him to change his jeans which was all but impossible. He would try and put his pyjama bottoms on as a top, and actually over his existing pyjama top. This ‘carry on’ went on for quite some time.  He then blankly refused and decided to not move, leaving me with a dead weight. Once again I tried many times with no luck so had to leave him with half pyjamas and his jeans still on. While I was with Dad another elderly female resident came into his room completely lost, not knowing how to get out. This happened 3 more times and I noticed she was carrying around a whole heap  of  kitchen items/utensils she had scored from dinner:-) ( this is a common practice with elderly residents).

To witness Dad not being able to put on a piece of clothing ( something he has done all his life) and put on two different shoes at the same time on the wrong feet is quite bizarre. I laugh to myself at the time and just act like there is ‘no issue’ to Dad. I now weigh up whether it is worth stressing him out and frustrating him to look good in his clothes, or just leave him be and enjoy his new fashion sense:-) This is where the  humiliation comes into play and family and carers are reluctant to take the person with dementia out for outings in public because they may feel embarrassed and under stress as the person they are caring for may act strangely, causing stares.

I personally don’t care what anyone thinks of me or Dad as we walk arm in arm ( to stop him falling) down the street for our coffee together and I think we are becoming quite a talking point along King William Road:-) “not that there is anything wrong with that!” ( one for the Seinfeld  fans)

I guess I wanted to highlight the difficult role of a paid carer who is on a time schedule to deal with multiple residents and ensure they are all attended to (and their individual hygiene needs sorted). I was exhausted dealing with one person, and it took me over an hour and I only half succeeded. This is dementia . . .

What is Dementia?

Dementia is a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life. Memory loss is an example. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia.